Wishes and realities
by KCameron
Summary: She tasted of toothpaste, wine, perfume, and heaven on a nice day.
1. Chapter 1

There are things I wish I could do. I wish that I could sing, I mean really sing. I wish I could save each of my patients before the hour glass ran out. I wish that I could've taken more Literature classes in college. I wish I could tell House he's an ass and have him understand I meant it. I wish I could tell Cuddy that I miss the sound of her voice the second she leaves the room or that I would do anything to just stop her motion for one second and hold her in my arms. But then I also wish I could walk on water.

Its another late night as I sit at my desk and finish up the paperwork that House was supposed to do, Chase was supposed to help with, and Foreman pretended didn't exist. The bridge of my nose is starting to hurt from the weight of my glasses and my eyes burn from being open for too long. I let out a sigh...only a few more pages to go. I feel the door open when a cool, slight draft blows through the room. Before I know it Cuddy sits herself down on the chair in front of my desk and props her perfect legs up on the glass surface. I fight the urge to lick my lips. Her hair is pulled back in a makeshift ponytail held in place by a slipping elastic. She has abandoned the cardigan she was wearing during the day and is just wearing her tight, light pink v-neck tee. I try to ignore the freckle on her sternum. "You know I can't remember a time that I was out of here before ten." She sighs and throws her head back in mock frustration before picking her head back up and smiling sweetly at me.

I swallow hard and my mouth runs dry. This has happened before. Every once in a while, she will find me working late at night by myself and keep me company for a little while before she heads back to her office or heads home. She will say a few things to me and I will try and remember how to breathe for the few exquisite moments that I get to be alone with her. Smell her perfume, notice how the color of her azure eyes brightens when she laughs, and just be able to spend time with her without House making her day hell. "I know. The boys left me with paperwork...again." I groan as I lean my head back, take my glasses off and place my hands over my eyes. They burn and for a second I think my eyelids may stick to my corneas.

That's when I hear it. "Well I've got a bottle of wine and a carton of cookie blast ice cream at my house if you would like to come over and toast to the fact that men are useless." She laughs.

I snap my eyes open but don't move my head for a second and give myself time to process what just went down. I drop my head and look at her. She looks serious enough. No harm in asking though. "Seriously?"

"Yeah." She says sincerely. "It's Friday. You're patient is stable and going to be discharged in two days. House and the other two ducked out early. And I'm the boss and I say you're off the clock and deserve a break." She punctuates the ending with one of the smiles that I have spent the past year or so cataloging.

"Okay." I agree. "Um, give me five minutes to pack up my things and I'll meet you downstairs and follow you to your house."

"Sounds good to me." She says as she gets up and walks towards the door. "See you in five."

As soon is she is out the door I begin packing up my stuff. My hands shake while I put my things in my bag and I laugh at myself because I am acting like such a child. Its not that bad. We're friends. Kind of. And she just wants to hang out for a little while because we both have stressful jobs made even more stressful by a certain jackass doctor with a cane and a scowl and we just want to be able to talk about something other than work for five minutes. Right? Or was she asking me to come over so that we can do more than talk?

_'Damnit, Allison. Calm down.'_ I think to myself as I wait outside near the information desk waiting for Cuddy to be ready to go.

"You ready to go?" I hear from behind me. I nod lightly. "Cool." She answers. The walk out to our cars is silent. We part ways upon reaching the parking lot because there is no way I would ever get a parking spot like hers. I mean she is the one who assigns them and all. "Where are you parked?" She asks as she opens the door to her car.

"Way in back." I answer. "I'll meet you at the entrance." I walk briskly to my car and throw open the door, start it and shove it into gear faster than I have probably ever done in my life. I see the back of Cuddy's dark blue Lexus and flash my lights to let her know that I am behind her. There are really only a few other cars in the lot, mostly night staff, so the gesture was probably unnecessary, but it made me feel better about myself.

The drive to her house felt like an eternity. I tried to listen to music on the radio, sing to myself to steady my breathing, try to will my heart to not leap out of my chest, but nothing worked. _'Don't do anything stupid like tell her you love her,okay?' _ I told myself as I pulled up in front of her house.

Cuddy was waiting on the front step for me as I got out of my car. Once again we didn't speak as she unlocked the door and stepped into the entrance. Cuddy headed towards the kitchen and I was left standing in the entry way. "Hey I'm gonna go and put on some jeans." She calls from the kitchen. "The wine is on the counter. Do you think you could open it for me?"

"Sure." I say back. I fumble around the kitchen for a minute before finding the corkscrew and am able to open the bottle before she gets back. Proud of myself, I lean back against the kitchen counter and admire the color of the tile on the kitchen walls. Her house smells like coffee and lavender and I inhale deeply and mark the smell as one more thing that will forever remind me of Lisa Cuddy.

"Oh good you found the corkscrew alright." Cuddy says as she reappears in the kitchen. "I was hoping that you would." She reaches into a glass cabinet and gets two wine glasses and then turns to the freezer and grabs a carton of ice cream. "I hope you like non-dairy ice cream." She smiles apologetically grabbing spoons out of the drawer and shutting it with her hip. "Say when." She says as she pours me a glass of wine.

"Haha, when." I say as she fills the glass a little more than halfway full.

Cuddy pours herself a glass before hopping up onto the counter caddy corner to me. "To not talking about work." She says as she raises her glass. I laugh before touching my glass to hers lightly . I catch her eyes over the rim of my glass as I take a long sip, but look away quickly because these seem like nice glasses...probably real crystal.

We talk about everything and nothing at the same time in her kitchen on a Friday night as we share a carton of ice cream and finish the bottle of wine. I find out that Cuddy went to Michigan on a full scholarship and wanted to be a doctor since she was twelve except for that one time sophomore year of college when she seriously considered switching to French. I scoff as she tells me she can't stand Toni Morrison and how she thinks Franzen is a much better writer and paints a better picture of society through satire than most of his contemporaries.

She teases me about my crush on House. "It was the cane wasn't it." She teases as she licks her spoon.

"We're not doing this." I blush/laugh and bury my face in the palms of my hands.

"Oh come on, tell me." She pries lightly. "I mean there is no way you could actually have been attracted to him.:

"Why is that?" I ask as I meet her eyes once again.

"Because you're too beautiful for him." She says as she takes a self-satisfied sip of her wine and sets the glass delicately back down on the tile surface of the counter.

There's a small drop of wine that nestles itself in the corner of her mouth and I reach forward to wipe it away with the pad of my thumb. At least that's what I intended to do. Instead, my hand only makes it to the side of her face and my lips meet hers softly. It only lasts a second if that. When I open my eyes and am met hers I feel my heart start to beat so fast it hurts. But then she takes both of her hands and pulls my lips back to hers. I moan as she opens her mouth and I our tongues meet. She tastes like toothpaste, wine, perfume, and heaven on a nice day*. Stepping between her legs I tangle my fingers in her dark hair and try to tell her everything through my kiss. Its in this moment that I decide I never want to stop kissing Lisa Cuddy.


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I obviously don't own them cause if I did Jennifer Morrison would not be leaving the show...ever.**

**SMUT WARNING! If girl on girl is not your thing please turn back now, I won't judge you. **

**Reviews make my day!**

She reaches for the buttons on my vest and undoes them one by one without breaking contact with my lips or losing the rhythm of the kiss. Once undone, she slides it slowly off my shoulders, following the fabric down my arms with her soft finger tips before the item in discarded on the floor of her kitchen. I pull her from her sitting position on the counter and revel in the feeling of her body flush against mine, wrapping my arms tightly around her lower back as I place hot open mouth kisses starting at her jawline and continuing down her neck. My fingers find the hem of her of her shirt but she stops me before I can lift it up. She grabs me by the wrists and leads me backwards towards the bedroom. In between kisses as I follow her I manage to get her shirt off and then push her up against the wall in the hallway.

I take her mouth again hungrily and cup her perfect breasts, causing her to moan loudly, separating from my mouth and tangling her fingers in my hair, pulling me closer. "You're so sexy." I whisper into her ear before taking her earlobe into my mouth causing her to shiver as goosebumps form on her skin. My right hand finds its way to the front of her jeans and I undo the top button and slide the zipper down carefully. She inhales sharply as my hands make contact with the front of her lace panties. I caress her clit over the soft material. She is so wet it is driving me crazy.

Wordlessly we find our way to her bedroom and Cuddy pulls me down on hard on top of her. I can't remember the last time I wanted someone this much. There are so many things I wish I could say to her in this moment as I straddle her hips and she sits up to meet me and begins to unbutton my shirt while she nips and sucks my my neck. However, when her mouth begins its assault on my breasts everything in my head is silenced except for raw need. "Too many clothes." I say to the ceiling. Cuddy looks up at me with a devilish smirk and undoes the zipper on my dress pants and slides them down my hips along with my panties.

I begin to finish what I started in the hallway of getting her pants off and as soon as they are off she flips us over so that she is looming over me. I lean up to kiss her and before I know what is going on she shoves two fingers hard and deep into my opening. "Oh god!" I moan and dig my finger nails into her back. "Guh, don't stop."

Cuddy kisses a hot, wet trail down my neck to my clavicle, dipping her tongue in the cavity beneath my xiphoid process and stopping to swirl around my navel and then kissing each hip. She is such a tease. She knows exactly where I want her to lick me but is taking her sweet time getting there. This woman wants to drive me crazy. When I feel her tongue lightly circle my clit, my hips buck involuntarily. "Fuck, Lisa." I moan loudly. She takes this as encouragement and slips a third finger into my opening pumping fiercely and laps at my clit with a hard, steady rhythm.

"Is that what you say when you think of me when you touch yourself?" She asks as she continues her undertakings with her fingers and leans in to kiss me. I can't do anything but whimper at her touch. I am so close to coming I can see stars. "I think I asked you a question, Dr. Cameron."

"God, yes!" I cry. "I only think of you...mmm, Lisa, I am so close! Please!" She seems to take this as a satisfactory answer because she inserts a fourth finger and it only takes a second before I come, hard. I arch my back and pull her down onto me and kiss her because its the only thing I can do as I ride out my orgasm. If I try to speak words like _love_ and _forever_ would come out and that is probably not the best plan.

When I feel like I can finally move, I flip us over so that I am straddling Cuddy again. I first take the fingers that she had fucked me with and suck them into my mouth. She bites her lip and closes her eyes as I do this and I think its the sexiest thing I have ever see. I kiss her starting at the rotator cuff on her left side and moving across her her clavicle, yet another part of her anatomy that would tease me at work whenever she would wear low cut or tight fitting tops. A possessiveness takes over me momentarily and I bite down on it hard and hope that it'll leave a mark. I think about her thinking of me when she gets dressed in the morning, I think of House trying to to figure out who's teeth they are and I smile against her breast as I take her nipple into my mouth and lightly grind it between my teeth. This causes Cuddy to moan and arch her back pushing her chest into my mouth. I follow the same pattern with her left breast while trailing feather light touches down Cuddy's stomach and tease her entrance with my fingers before slipping my index finger deep inside her followed by a second.

"Christ....please...Allison." I think there was a sentence in there somewhere. "More." That was what I want to hear. I want to make her beg for me. I place on kiss on her sternum and then lower on her lower abdomen before settling my head between her thighs. Instead of licking her clit, I turn my head to the right and kiss the inside of her thigh. The sound she makes is what I can only describe as a whimper. She writhes under my touch as I swirl her clit with my tongue. I slowly increase the pace at which I lick her then alternate with lapping at it with the flat of my tongue. Cuddy buries her fingers in my hair and pulls my face closer, encouraging me to go deeper. I slide one more finger in her and suck on her clit. I can tell by the sounds she is making that she is getting close.

"Thats it right there, ah...so good!" She prompts. I bit down on her clit and increase the interval and depth of my fingers and she presses deeper into me. She comes in my mouth with my name on her lips. I slide my fingers out of her and lick them one by one. She tastes better than I could ever have imagined she did.

I collapse next to her on the bed and she snuggles into my side and places her head in the space between my neck and shoulder. "That was..." She starts.

"Yeah." I answer and turn on my side so that I can look at her. She is smiling from ear to ear like a woman who has just been sufficiently fucked. It makes me incredibly happy to know that I put that smile there.

"Why did we wait so long to do that?" Cuddy asks me as she runs her hand lightly down my side and then back up again.

"Don't ask me." I answer honestly. "We should definitely do it again sometime."

She smiles when I say this and leans forward to lightly kiss me. "Stay with me tonight?" She asks.

"I wouldn't want to go anywhere else." I say and we settle ourselves beneath the covers. I fall asleep with her head on my chest and our hands clasped on my stomach.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke in the morning to the sound of my pager going off somewhere down the hallway. I looked around the room and found an alarm clock. Five am. Somehow during the night Cuddy and I moved apart from each other. She is sleeping on her right side on the other side of the bed. The blankets are across her hips, exposing the whole of her back to me. I stifle the urge to kiss every single vertebra. I sit up carefully so that I won't wake her and go about the room in the darkness trying to find my clothes. I don't want her to wake up alone, but I have to get back to my apartment, change, and then get to the hospital. The last thing I need this morning is for House to rail me about why I am late and all that nonsense. Especially when I am leaving Lisa's bed on a Saturday to work.

When I get into the kitchen, I find a piece of paper and a pen. I write:

_Lisa,_

_I have to get to work...patient crashed. Maybe we could have lunch later. See you at later. _

_XX_

_Ally_

_p.s._

_You're amazing._

I leave the note on the bedside table and kneel down so that I am level with her. A bit of her dark hair had fallen in front of her face and I move it away before placing a light kiss on her lips.

I get back to my apartment and shower and change. I notice as I am putting on my makeup that there is a slight red mark just about near my right subclavian trunk. I hope that no one notices. I get to the hospital and walk into the conference room to find House and the boys already there. "Glad to see you could make it." House comments as I hang my coat up on the rack.

"He was stable yesterday afternoon and then he crashes." I say as I pick up the file and go over his stats from the night attending last night. "Means its not autoimmune." I state plainly. Ignoring the fact that House's eyes are boring into the back of my head.

"Why did it take you so long to get here?" House asks plainly while Chase prattles on about extradural hematomas.

"I wasn't ready for work when you paged me, House. It was five this morning. On a day that I was supposed to have off. I'm ready for work now. Can we get back to the differential, please?" I say, hopefully shutting him down.

"Maybe the eye infection that we wrote off wasn't an eye infection." Foreman suggests.

"He hasn't complained of any pain in his eye since." I say looking up at him.

"That means that the eye infection was gone so of course there wouldn't be any pain." House states and gets up to write more symptoms on the board.

"Or maybe the pain medication we had him on for the winged scapula was masking the pain." Chase inserts.

"What if he crashed because of the medication we were giving him for a disease he doesn't have. What if the double vision and the eye pain were connected? I think the problem is in his eye." Foreman finishes.

"Fine. Get an CT and see if you find anything." House says to no one in particular so we all decide he must mean all of us and get up to leave.

"Cameron." He says as I reach the door. I stop and turn around. "Next time you want to lie to me about where you were you might want to think about wearing a higher cut top." With this he points his cane towards my chest where Lisa's bite mark is. I turn and leave the room without saying anything but self-consciously pull my blouse closer to the middle of my chest to cover it.

The patient it turns out had a posterior communicating artery aneurysm that was revealed after a CT and an angio. We scheduled him for surgery and as long as he remains stable he should be released within the next day or two. Around two in the afternoon I am packing up my stuff to head home when House enters the conference room. I had done such a good job at avoiding him since our last encounter this morning and was hoping to avoid him for the rest of the time till I get to go home. "Does your new boy-toy know that you're still in love with me?" He asks bluntly.

"Ha, you wish." I laugh at him as I slip around him to grab my jacket. "And there's no boy-toy."

"No?" He presses further. "That's strange. So, you show up 45 minutes after I page you with a satisfied smile and bite marks on your neck and you were alone."

"Sorry, you're not gonna get anywhere this time, House." I smile sweetly at him because I know it will drive him crazy. "See you on Monday."

I walk out towards my car and take out my phone to call Cuddy. When I was in college my best friend, Tim, used to try and give me advice on how to handle girls. He would tell me that I should wait a few days before calling them...you know make them wonder if I was actually going to call. But I miss the feel of her skin on my fingers and her kisses on my lips already and it hasn't even been a whole day yet. I dial her number and hold my breath. "Hello?" She answers in four rings.

"Hey, Lisa." I begin. "Its me--um Allison." I'm so lame.

She laughs on the other end of the line and I smile at the sound of her laughter. "Have you been released for the weekend?" She asks.

"Finally." I say exasperated. "So what are you up to for the rest of the day?"

"I am running errands right now." She says and for a second the phone is muffled as if she is holding it between her shoulder and neck to grab something with her hand. "But I am free later on tonight."

"Could I interest you in dinner?"

"Sure." She says plainly. "What were you thinking?"

"Do you like Indian food?" I ask as I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding.

"Its been a while since I've had good Indian food. You name the place and I'll pick you up at eight." She says distractedly and I know that I am probably taking her away from whatever she is doing.

"Sure. Sounds good." I agree. "I'll see you tonight then."

"Yep, see you then." She says before she says a quick goodbye and hangs up the phone. Now all I have to do is find something to do all day so I don't jump out of my skin.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Hey Guys! Sorry for the late update...this histology class is driving me insane and Sam has been sick so its either study and take care of my sick girlfriend or write Cumeron fanfiction...somedays I wish I was superwoman. Anyway I hope you enjoy! Please R&R!**

**Disclaimer: Do I own them? Only in my dreams....**

I spend the rest of the day in my apartment. Trying to find something to do to occupy myself. I realize just how boring my apartment...and well life in general is. I go for a short run, I clean the kitchen twice, the living room once, and I rearrange my limited collection of shoes a few times before I decide to stop before I go out of my mind. I look at my watch and its about seven. Time to start getting ready, I decide. I start the shower and let the room fill with steam before stepping under the spray. The warm water feels soothing on my skin and I stand there for a second with my face upturned and just let the water wash over me.

As I stand there I can't help but let my mind wander back to last night. I think of the way Cuddy's hands felt as they roamed over my body, the way it felt like a jolt of lightening shot through my body as she licked me, the way my name sounded on her lips as she came. I stop my mind from continuing down that road because there is no way that I have enough time to take _that_ kind of shower right now.

Finding something to wear makes me nervous. We are only going to Monsoon, a place that I have been to many times, but I find myself struggling over what to wear. I decide finally on a deep purple jersey cotton blouse, dark skinny jeans and a black cardigan to go over it. I put on a pair of white lace panties under it with the matching bra...you know just in case. I leave my hair down around my shoulders and pull my bangs in front of my face instead of off to the side, hoping that it will offset the cuteness of my outfit with a little more edge. As I am finishing up my makeup I hear a knock on the door. I look at my watch. Cuddy would show up five minutes early.

I walk to the door while putting my earrings in. Not quite ready yet I hope she doesn't mind waiting a few minutes. "Hey." I say as I open the door. I take a second to take in her appearance. She looks stunning in a cream colored wrap around dress and riding boots with a tweed jacket thrown over her shoulders. "Sorry I'll be two seconds I just have to find my shoes."

"Cameron." I hear as I turn to walk away. I turn around to respond and before I can Cuddy's lips capture mine in a quick kiss. "Hi." She smiles.

"Hi." I reply lamely with what I am sure is a huge grin on my face. "Two minutes." I repeat as I run back to my bedroom to find my pair of brown boots that had gone missing before.

The restaurant is not as crowded as I would have thought for a Saturday night. Cuddy and I only end up having to wait a few minutes before we are shown to a table in the front of the restaurant by the window. Cuddy looks around nervously and I wonder if she is embarrassed for a minute to be here with me. We make small talk, order a bottle of wine, she asks what's good here, I respond everything. "What made you want to kiss me last night?" She asks after a period of only semi-awkward silence after the waiter clears the table. It seems that the ease of conversation we had last night before I kissed her is gone. Choppy bits of conversation are followed by long silences where we both sip our wine and pretend like we are digesting a conversation that's not there.

"Are you serious?" I ask with a tilt of my head.

"It's a simple question." She responds. I'm confused. Honestly, is she thinking that I think that last night was a mistake and I invited her out to dinner to tell her that this will never go anywhere? Does she think that I am just using her as a replacement for what I can't have?

"Because I like you." I respond without even have to think about it. "Because I think you're smart and sexy and definitely the hottest Dean of Medicine that I have ever met. I kissed you because I can't go a day without thinking about kissing you." Cuddy smiles at me from across the table as I finish and I reach out and brush my fingertips over the top of her hand.

"I like you, too." She says with a smile that lets me know that I said the right thing. "And I think that this could go somewhere. I just wanted to make sure that you weren't just lonely and looking for a fling with anyone who got close enough."

"You're not just a fling." I assure her as the waiter brings us the check. I pay the bill after Cuddy pretends to fight with me for a minute about it.

"I sign your paychecks. I know how much you make." She says reaching for the check, but I pull it away before she can get it.

"I asked you out, I pay. Those are the rules. You can pay when you actually ask me to go somewhere with you. Got it?" I say with a smirk as I sign the credit card slip and stand up to leave.

"So Cameron is making the rules now, huh?" Cuddy says as she stands up and for a second we are standing so close to each other I can feel her breath on my cheek.

"Don't even pretend like you don't like it." I say playfully and then grab her hand to walk out of the restaurant. I will never tell anyone but my heart was beating so fast as I did so. I was afraid that she would pull away or let go. Instead she doesn't and we walk out to the car hand in hand. I can't help but smile as we get into the car and once again fight the urge to do something stupid like ask her to dance or something. What is it about this woman that just makes me want to do stupid things?

We drive down the road to my house and talk about random things. The awkwardness from the restaurant is gone and we talk comfortably about whatever happens to pop into our minds on the short drive to my house. I love the way that Cuddy doesn't take her eyes off the road while she drives. She'll talk and all, but she only makes eye contact on a straightaway or at a red light. This means that I can stare at her without having to apologize for it. I wonder if she knows how much she makes me want her just by running her fingers through her hair. "Do you want to come in?" I ask as we pull up to my building.

"I bet you already know the answer to the question." She smirks and puts the car into park. As we walk around the car I grab her and pull her towards me to kiss her hard. She moans into my mouth and runs her fingernails up my back. I want to fuck her up against the back of her Lexus so badly, but remember that we are in the parking lot outside my building probably giving the guy in 4B a show. So I reluctantly break the kiss and we walk briskly into my building, arms wrapped around each other.

After a hot make out session in the elevator we make it to my apartment and I immediately begin taking off every piece of clothing that is now getting between me and her delicious body starting with her jacket. By the time we get to the bedroom all she is wearing is her boots and her underwear. Let me just say that I the red silk panties and matching bra were a nice touch I note as I unzip her boots and slide them off her feet, placing a kiss on the inside of her calves. She moans in appreciation and reaches to take my shirt off as well. I realize that in my hurry to let her know how much I missed her today I am still just about fully clothed. "You need to catch up." She states plainly and takes my lips into a smoldering kiss.

"God you're beautiful." I say to her as I take in her appearance lying there on my bed with nothing on but her underwear and an expectant smile. "I really appreciate these." I say as I peel her panties off. "However, they are in the way." I love it when I make her laugh. I kiss the inside of her right thigh and nip at the inside of the left. Cuddy squirms expectantly beneath me and I know that the anticipation is killing her. Lightly, I lick her outer labia and she moans loudly. Taking that as encouragement, I speed up and slide one finger in her then two.

"God, Ally…so good." She whispers to no one in particular as I take her clit between my teeth and lightly bite down. Not removing my fingers, I place kisses first on her right hipbone then her left then continue in a zigzag pattern up her body and kiss her hard. She lifts her hips and meets my fingers thrust for thrust and I know that she is close. So I make two fingers three and curl my middle finger up to stroke her g-spot with each time. I muffle her cries in my kiss and can feel her heart beating through her chest that is pressed against mine. When I break the kiss I open my eyes to find her azure one staring at me with a mixture of utter gratification and happiness. "You still need to catch up." She purrs and I smile and roll onto my back and look at her expectantly.

"Yeah? Can you help me with that?" I ask in what I hope is a sultry voice, but knowing me and my lameness lately it probably was not.

She doesn't answer instead she connects her lips to the side of my neck while she reaches behind me and undoes my bra. Once she has my bra undone she slides it off and gives my neck a bite before focusing her attention on my breasts. Her touch gives me goose bumps and I unconsciously arch my back to force her closer while I wrap my arms around her back. She moves directly on top of me with one leg between mine and pushes herself up on her hands, rubbing her thigh against my center. The friction makes me cry out and I realize just how badly I want her to touch me right now. "I want you so bad." I whisper against her lips as I sit up on my elbows to kiss her.

She straddles me and makes quick work of my zipper and my jeans, hooking her thumbs in the waistband of my panties so that she pulls them both off in one quick motion. She wastes not time and nestles her head at the apex of my thighs and swirls her tongue around my clit. She hums against me and the vibration drives me crazy. "You taste so good." She says without lifting her head or stopping what she is doing. When she slides two fingers in my entrance I can't help but buck my hips forward and tangle my fingers in her hair.

"Uh…oh jesus…yes…right there…" I say to the ceiling. "Fuck, Lisa…so…ah." She has inserted three fingers and is doing this thing with her tongue that is kind of like—well, for lack of a better word, perfect. She has me right on the edge when she withdraws her fingers and lifts her head. I seriously feel like crying at the lack of contact. Then she is on top of me again and slides her thigh against my clit like she did before but this time much more forcefully and very deliberate. We're both sweaty as we slide against each other and the feel of her chest against mine, her lips on my neck, the pressure of her leg against my clit is too much and I come against her, throwing my head back and screaming her name with my arms wrapped tightly around her slim shoulders.

I feel her go limp on top of me and pull her closer. She rests her head on my shoulder and I take a deep breath and wait for my heartbeat to regulate itself. "You're amazing." I say and then kiss her forehead and move her hair from her face.

She laughs lightly against my sternum and then props her head up on her elbow so she can look me in the eye. "You're not so bad yourself." She says and then kisses me lightly.

"Stay?" I ask even though I hope I don't have to.

"Of course." She smiles and we lay back on the pillows as I pull the covers over us. I throw my arm across her stomach and she moves closer to me. Neither of us is the real cuddling type, but I don't want to be without contact just yet.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Do I own them? Only in my dreams....**

It was three months ago when I got the courage to kiss Cuddy that night in her kitchen. That first weekend that we spent together was pure heaven. She stayed at my apartment the entire next day in an old t-shirt of mine and we made breakfast together and watched ANTM reruns on VH1 all day long. She left that after we ordered takeout for dinner and told me that she would see me in work the next day. My bed was so cold that night I thought I was seriously going to freeze to death.

That first day at work was not as awkward as I thought it was going to be. Except for the first time she walked into the conference room to give us a case and I had to try extra hard to make sure that I didn't let my eyes linger on hers for too long or lick my lips at the sway of her hips as she walks away. Her ass always does look damn good in those tight pencil skirts that she wears to work. It only took three hours before I went down to her office for a "consult" just to be able to kiss her. She would laugh and pretend to be concerned about someone walking in but would respond with just as much fire as she usually does.

Since then we have spent almost every free moment that we have outside of work together. Usually I will end up sleeping over her place because my house is on the way to the hospital from hers and it makes it easier to shower at her house and then go to mine and change before work. So far House has no idea, at least I would hope that he doesn't. I want to say something to him—and well everyone. I don't want to have to be embarrassed about the fact that I am definitely falling and falling hard for Cuddy, but I know that doing something like that is definitely a long way off. Lisa is the Dean of Medicine; there is no way that she is just going to possibly jeopardize her career for a girl she has only been with for upwards of three months.

Still, the way things are going now feel perfect to me. I find myself looking for excuses to go and see her and missing her when I have to work late and go home alone. I love how we will sit on her couch me reading the latest New Jersey Journal of Medicine with my head on her lap and she will read her finance reports or whatever it is she has to read. In moments like that we won't even speak but I feel completely comfortable and at home that I feel like no words are needed to tell how we feel.

We currently don't have a case…again. It seems that House has gotten even pickier about cases and so we now spend most of our time in the conference room sitting on our asses or in the clinic doing _his _clinic hours. So that is where I find myself today. Which is fine because it means that I can slip into Cuddy's office during slow minutes and sit on her couch for a few minutes just to be around her. I am sitting on her couch waiting for her to come back when I hear the click of her heels in the corridor and I sit up when the door flies open and she rushes in with House hot on her heels.

"You cannot have your fellows doing your clinic hours." Cuddy says to House as she storms in and throws a file down onto her desk and turns back around to glare at him.

"Well maybe if I had a case I wouldn't need to. You know kids these days easily bored. If I don't give them something to do they'll get bored. Bad for morale." He says and leans against his cane.

_'Whatever.'_ I think to myself as he says this.

"Well maybe if you would choose a case out of all of the ones I have given you you wouldn't need a morale boost." She replies as she wipes her hand across her face in frustration. I can tell that this fight has been going on maybe for about five minutes now and that she is getting frustrated. I sit up straight and plant both feet on the floor because I know what's coming: House is going to see that she is close to giving up and is probably going to say something nasty to her to get her to break. It will be a cold day in hell when I let him talk to her like that in front of me.

"Well maybe, just maybe if we actually had a competent Dean of Medicine I would have a case that was actually worth my time." He huffs and then turns on his cane and limps out.

He may not know, but I know that Cuddy may pretend like she doesn't care about the things House says but she gets insecure sometimes about how people see her as the Dean of Medicine. Its at that comment that I stand up and start after him. "Allison—" Cuddy begins, but that is all I hear as I storm out of her office after him.

"Hey!" I shout to House as he waits for the elevator. "What makes you think you can talk to her like that?" I say when I am face to face with him.

"Now don't worry just because mommy and daddy fight doesn't mean we don't love you." He says with a sarcastic smile and a patronizing pat on my shoulder.

I smack his hand away. "I'm serious, House." I say narrowing my eyes on his. "She doesn't deserve to be talked to like that and I swear to—"

"Dr. Cameron." I hear Cuddy say from somewhere behind me. That is when I realize that I am verbally threatening House about the way he talks to my girlfriend/boss in the middle of the lobby. "I think you have clinic duty to finish." She doesn't look happy.

"What's going on here?" House asks with a knowing glint in his eyes as he looks back and forth between Lisa and I.

I try to meet her eyes but she is too busy glaring at house. I give House one more threatening glare before storming back to the clinic. I pass by the patients waiting in the waiting room and slam the door of exam room one. I smack my hand against the wall hard and I know that someone must have heard it, but I hope no one did. I hear the door open and close and I know that she is in the room, but I refuse to turn around and look at her. "What the fuck was that, Allison?" She asks getting right to the point.

"No one gets to talk to you like that." I answer through my teeth. "Not when I can do something about it."

"Its House, Al." She exhales. "He has always talked to me like that what difference does you being there matter. And more than that why should you care?"

"Because I don't like it okay." I say as I finally turn around to face her. "I don't like that he can talk to you like that and you just stand there and take it. I don't like that he just runs around this hospital doing whatever the fuck he wants all day and its you that has to take the blame when he screws up. I don't like when I have to watch you fall to pieces when we get home because of something he said." I say not noticing that I have moved closer to her and there is now only about 6 inches separating us with her backed up against the door. "And do you really not know why I care?" I ask breathily.

"No." She whispers.

"I care because I love you." I say and run my fingers down her jaw. She responds by kissing me deeply, pulling me closer. It's okay that she doesn't quite answer me. I'll deal with that if I can just hold her in my arms for a few minutes.

That night we lay in her bed and I tell her I love her as she turns out the light. "I love you, too." She says as I snuggle into her side.

"Okay." I smile against her shoulder.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I only own them in my dreams**

**Authors Note: So here is the next chapter. I am almost done with the next one after this and there is probably going to be one or two more after that. R & R and enjoy!**

_That night we lay in her bed and I tell her I love her as she turns out the light. "I love you, too." She says as I snuggle into her side. _

_ "Okay." I smile against her shoulder._

* * * *

That was it. There was no amazing sex after our declarations of undying love. We just fell asleep. In that moment as I fell asleep pressed up against Cuddy I realized that it was stupid to be scared of what she would say. Telling her I love her had actually been like our entire relationship up until this point…easy. It just seemed like it was a natural thing for both of us to say.

Things just seemed to flow from that point as if nothing had changed we had just added another dimension to our relationship. We added other things too. I now kept a few outfits at her house along with a toothbrush and my favorite sleeping boxers. We started making dinner together. Cuddy is vegan and there are only so many times one can stand take out. So we made it a point to make dinner together at least twice a week. Well, she makes dinner. Really all I do is sit on the counter and eat the peppers that she slices up to put into the garbanzo fajitas that we—well she is making for dinner. "Al, you take another pepper and I am going to take a finger for retribution." She warns but the smile she gives me encourages me instead of deters me.

She loves bell peppers. Practically puts them in everything that she cooks. Which is fine with me cause they are the easiest thing to steal from the cutting board before she can put them in. "How about a kiss instead?" I say as I lean over to meet her eyes.

She leans in and kisses me quickly before returning to our dinner. I found out quickly that Lisa loves to cook. Sometimes when she's had a bad day she will come home and cook herself a three-course meal. Most of the time she doesn't end up eating it, but it's the process of putting things together that is the most therapeutic. Its little things like that that I love to learn about her. I love to watch her when she cooks, when she concentrates on something. I lean my head back against the cabinet and watch her for a minute. "What?" She asks with a shy smile.

"You're beautiful." I answer plainly as I push a lock of her dark hair behind her ear.

"You're too nice for your own good some days, my darling." She scoffs playfully.

"Yeah but you love me though." I say as I lean forward to grab her waist and pull her back to me as she turns to walk to the spice rack for more cayenne pepper. I move her hair to the side and place feather light kisses from the back of her jaw down to where her neck meets her shoulder in two-second intervals.

"Yes, I do." She says sincerely. "Now can I get back to what I was doing?" She asks but doesn't make a move to get me to stop.

"Dinner can wait." I whisper into her ear. She turns her head to the side and I capture her lips in mine. My hands roam from the curve of her waist to her breasts and then lower skimming the skin at the top of her jeans. She rolls her head back to rest on my shoulder and inhales sharply as I slide my right hand down the front of her pants and tease her lightly through the fabric of her thong. I bite hungrily at her neck while I reach with my other hand to blindly turn off the stove.

"Allison." Cuddy moans as I slowly unzip her jeans and dip my fingers into her underwear, probing her center with my index finger. She tangles her fingers in my hair as I pinch her nipple and squeeze her breast tightly. Her rising heartbeat, the goose bumps forming across her sternum, and the growing wetness between her legs lets me know that she appreciates what I am doing. I slide another finger into her core and use the heel of my hand to rub against her clit. Cuddy involuntarily bucks her hips against my hand when my middle finger grazes her g-spot.

Without warning, Cuddy turns around in my arms and crushes her lips to mine, wrapping her arms around my neck tightly. I can't get enough of her. I press my hips into her waist and grind myself against her taut stomach. Cuddy grabs me by the waist and pulls me off the counter and forcefully yanks my t-shirt off my shoulders and over my head. After my shirt is off Cuddy pulls me back to her lips, backing us up into the living room. I pull furiously at her shirt then her pants, leaving her in her bra and panties as she falls into the couch and wastes no time before pulling me down on top of her. "Take off your pants." She commands against my lips.

I stand and give her a seductive smile as I unzip my jeans and pull my pants and my underwear off at the same time. Cuddy lifts her hips to allow me to pull off her underwear and I settle myself in her lap straddling her with my legs wrapped around her back. She places hot kisses on my neck as I begin to rock against her. Her clit pressed against mine gives nothing but raw, wet pleasure and she wraps her arms around my back and pulls me into her harder. I arch my back to give a different angle and I can feel my arms start to shake against the back of the couch as my orgasm gets closer and closer. Cuddy kisses me hard and a second later my world is spinning as my orgasm hits me like a heart attack. I throw my head back wildly and cling to any part of Lisa I can get my hands on. She comes in a strangled scream against my chest and we are both left panting and sweating on her couch.

"Have I told you that I love you today?" I ask as I regain come composure and rest my forehead against hers. She doesn't speak. Instead, she bites her lip in the cutest way possible and shakes her head. "Well I do." I say before kissing her quickly. "Very much."

We finish making dinner and eat while sitting on the floor of the living room on either side of the coffee table. Lisa doesn't like to eat in the dining room unless its what she deems a 'special occasion' because the room feels to fancy for her to eat in on a daily basis. At least that's the justification she gives me for why we never eat in there. We head to bed after dinner and I watch from the doorway as Cuddy goes through her normal nightly routine of washing her face, brushing her hair, putting lotion on, brushing her teeth and all that. It makes me laugh because for me getting ready for bed is taking my pants off, brushing my teeth and crawling under the covers. All in all I can be in bed I about four minutes tops. It takes Lisa about fifteen or so to finally be ready to go to sleep.

"What?" Lisa says as she notices me watching her from the doorway.

"Nothing." I shrug and then walk closer so I can wrap my arms around her from behind and catch her eyes in the mirror. "You're just the cutest thing in the world…that's all."

"Get out of here." She laughs as I try and tickle her rib cage.

I smile as I get into bed and roll myself in the down comforter on Cuddy's bed. Lisa sleeps with the window open at night. Which would be fine with me in August, however, at the end of November its not my favorite thing. However, it gives me an excuse to snuggle close to her. I lay my head on her pillow and wrap my arms around her waist when she gets into bed. "You're seriously cold?" She asks through closed eyes.

"Yes." I answer plainly.

"Al, your feet are so cold." She says with a hint of playful warning in her voice. I giggle and touch my feet to the side of her calf. "Babe!" She squeals and moves away from me.

"I'm sorry. I won't do it again." I smile as I move close to her again and retake my position against her body.

"Some days it's a damn good thing the sex is good." She says.

"Yeah, but you love me." I say against her shoulder.

"Yes." She answers. "Yes, I do." I feel her kiss my forehead and I return the gesture on her shoulder before I close my eyes and fall asleep to the sound of her breathing. Fulfilled. That's how she makes me feel.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: SO I said there would only be two more chapter but I don't think that is gonna cut it. So here is the next one...hope you like it. R & R and enjoy! Thanks to people who have sent reviews...you all make me very happy :-)**

**Disclaimer: I wish I Owned them.**

I get to the office around eight. As per usual, I am the first one there. I put on a pot of coffee and sit down at the conference table to look over the newspaper I stole from Cuddy's house this morning. I revel in the few moments I get to myself before the guys and particularly House get here and I get roped into doing someone's clinic duty. Foreman gets in around eight fifteen. "Hey, Cameron." He says through heavy lidded eyes.

"Morning." I smile at him over my glasses before taking another sip of my coffee and turning my attention back to the paper.

"How are you always so awake in the morning?" He asks as he pours himself a cup of coffee before joining me at the table.

"I don't know." I answer with a shrug of my shoulders. "I'm just in a good mood this morning I guess."

Chase gets in around eight thirty and, like usual, simply pours himself a cup of coffee and sits down at the table without saying a word. This is a usual occurrence. We will all show up on time for work and House will show up an hour or so after and proceed to interrupt the peace we fall into and make our lives miserable. "Here's a group of dedicated medical professionals." Is his greeting this morning as he walks through the conference room door and into his office. Chase tries to pretend that he wasn't falling asleep at his crossword, Foreman ignores that House has even entered and I roll my eyes.

_'He's here.'_ I text to Cuddy so that she knows that House has arrived. I know that House would have something to say about it if he knew that I was texting his boss to let her know of his whereabouts, however, she had mentioned that she had a case for us this morning as I was leaving her house. I told her I would let her know when House arrived.

Three minutes later I hear the sound of familiar heels coming down the hallway and smile to myself because House picks this moment to come into the room to get a cup of coffee. "House." Cuddy says.

He looks at his watch then at her then at me. "Wow. I thought she would have let you know I was here way faster than that." He says looking at his watch. Cuddy looks at him confused and I try to steel my features to pretend I don't know that he is referring to me. "Guess Cameron's texting skills are not what I thought they were."

If Cuddy catches on she doesn't let it deter her. "Forty-four year-old woman. She is having shortness of breath, pain and swelling on the left side and she is constantly run down and tired even though she sleeps about twelve hours a day. She's been to four different doctors and no one knows what it is. I told her you'd take a look." With that she drops the file on the table before turning on her heel and leaving the room. I know that any sudden moves would set House off, but it makes me upset that sometimes she comes into a room and pretends I'm not there. Would it hurt her so much to at least make eye contact?

House makes no move to pick up the file. "Chase, MRI. Foreman, EKG. Cameron, patient history. Go." I think we all let out a sigh as we get up from the metal chairs that were just starting to get comfortable and go to do our master's bidding.

The MRI showed that she has an enlarged spleen. So the next step was to run a full blood panel. House is thinking Gout, but I am not completely convinced. Honestly, I think it might be lupus. However, I am just going to keep my mouth shut until the blood work comes back because House expects me to say its lupus and I will be immediately shot down. Foreman and Chase are off trying to get our patient scheduled for a CT with contrast and so it is just me stuck in the lab. Might as well text Cuddy.

I smile as she replies to my message and shut my phone to find House staring at me through the glass of the lab wall. I swear for a cripple he is damn good at sneaking up on people. "So." He says as he sits down on the stool next to me. "I see things with the boy toy are still going well. You seem to be extra perky these past few weeks."

"Still no boy toy, House." I sigh as I return to the centrifuge to change retrieve the blood sample I was waiting on.

"Funny." He says tapping his cane on the ground. "Whenever I thought about you and Cuddy I always saw her as the man in the relationship." I hope he doesn't notice that my breath hitches. "But let me say, you being the dominant one is going to make my fantasies of the two of you doubly hot."

_'No sudden moves, Allison.' _I think to myself as I try and concentrate on whether or not our patients platelet count is normal or not. I can't deny it. Him bringing it up means that he already knows. If I deny it it will just make it even more obvious that he is right. If I admit to him I run the risk of him running to Cuddy and rubbing it in her face or worse making our life hell. However, there is a small chance that House might be a human being somewhere deep down and not say anything. "How long have you known?" I decide to go with getting it out in the open. I mean we have been together for four almost five months now, its about time we start being able to be comfortable with other people knowing. And House being a good marker for how 'other' people will take it.

"Since your little display in the lobby a few weeks ago." He says with a deep breath and a tap of his cane. "If you guys are going for the stealth thing that was a dead giveaway."

Chase quickly opens the door to the lab and with a quick look at House and I says, "Cameron, forget the platelet count. She's got a new symptom." He continues. "She spike a temperature of a hundred and five. We were able to get her cooled down, but we its obviously not lupus."

"Sounds good." House acknowledges without turning to look at Chase.

Chase takes in the scene in front of him and asks, "What's going on?" Sometimes I wish he was as dumb as he looks.

"We were just arguing over whether or not Cuddy is the man in the relationship." I could kill him right now and I'm pretty sure that my face alerts Chase to that fact. House looks pleased.

"What are you--," Chase pauses. "You and Cuddy?" This was directed towards me.

"Yes." I say touching my hand to my forehead feeling a sudden headache come on.

"But she's so--" He stammers.

"She's so what, Chase?" I hope he got that the tone in my voice was not anger necessarily directed towards him, but rather frustration directed towards the situation.

"Well then. Now that we've got that cleared up. We should probably, you know treat the patient."

"Yes, and I would expect you to respect Cuddy and I's privacy and keep this to yourself, Chase." Chase nods and leaves immediately and I turn around to shut off the centrifuge and turn back around to realize House hasn't left yet.

"What is it you want, House?" I ask exasperated.

"You and Cuddy though, you guys okay?" House asks and for a second I think that he might actually care.

"Yeah." I say with no particular emotion.

"Good." He says and turns to leave. "Wouldn't want you guys to break up before I got a chance to install a camera in her office." He adds that last part in as he walks out the door.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a second before walking out the door. When I think about it though, last night on the couch was the first time we've had sex in weeks. It was the first time she spent all night in bed in a month. But House doesn't need to know that. I can't deal with his teasing for that.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Yes we all know I don't own them...tear**

"So how is the misses these days?" House says as he storms into Cuddy's office. I know that this actually went down because I was sitting on Cuddy's couch waiting for her to answer my question about lunch. "Oh sorry," he says once he acknowledges my existence. "Didn't know she was here."

"What are you talking about, House?" Cuddy asks with a nonchalant tilt of her head.

"But please if I came in during the middle of girl time, don't let me interrupt." He says as he plops down on the chair on the other side of Lisa's office. In doing that he intentionally interrupts the stare down Cuddy and I are having at the moment.

"House what are you talking about?" She says, her agitation growing.

"Lisa..." I don't know where I intended to take that sentence.

When she finally realizes what House meant, she turns to me. I don't know if she is angry but she looks...for lack of a better word, terrified. "You told him?" She accuses.

"Lisa...I--" I fully intended on completing _that_ sentence.

However, House beat me to it with a "For godsake's, get a room." It was every bit intentional as the breaths he takes.

"I would appreciate it if you would leave." Cuddy says, this time making eye contact with him. House stands in a huff and shuffles out of the room. This leaves me with Lisa in a heavily silent room wondering what I could possibly say next.

"I'll see you back at your place." I acquiesce.

"I'll call you later." She says through her dark brown bangs. I take that as an answer and let myself out of the room. I make sure to put my phone in my back pocket so I can make sure to answer when she calls.

Cuddy calls me around five and says that she can't have dinner but she wants me to come over to her place around eight. So I get some Thai food on the way home. I don't even realize when I order vegetarian noodles because that is just what I would get for her if I were meeting her at _home_. I eat alone on my couch and zone out on Discovery channel for a while before getting up to head to her house around seven thirty.

"Hey" She says as she opens the door to her house. I don't answer because as soon as I am in her house I pull her lips to mine. She melts into my embrace and kisses me back. She presses me against the door and I moan into her kiss. Someone mentions something about the bedroom and we move in tangled harmony down the hallway. In between kisses we assist with the stripping of t-shirts and blouses and skirts and jeans. When we finally collapse on her bed, all that remains between the two of us are my panties and her bra.

"This comes off now." I command against her neck and reach around her rib cage to unclasp her bra. She smiles through clouded eyes at me as I slip the fabric off her shoulders. Taking her left nipple in my mouth, she runs her hands through my hair. I roll the nipple slightly between my teeth before blowing a ring of cool air around the areola and then switching to the right side. My left hand leaves a trail from her sternum down to her clit and her hips grind against my fingers involuntarily.

I tease my index finger around her labia and she gasps slightly as I start to kiss down her body, following the path my hand had made before. I attach my lips to the bone of her hip that rises just a little above her lower abdomen. She has the most amazing hips. Some days when she is wearing a tight skirt at work I can see them through the fabric. I can tell when she isn't wearing underwear and I know she does it to drive me crazy.

I continue downward and nip at the inside of her thigh and I can feel her roughly thread her fingers through my hair. I place my lips over her clit and swirl it beneath my tongue before lightly sucking it into my mouth. I continue to suckle on her, her ragged breathing begging me to carry on. Alternating between sucking hard on her and licking her slick entrance while putting pressure against her clit with my thumb I can feel her body tense. I think she whispers my name roughly as she grinds her center against my mouth in time with my tongue. She comes down softly with a deep sigh and a tender run of her fingers through my hair. "Come here." She smiles. And I pull myself up her body to kiss her deeply. This is not the kiss we shared before but softer and much more intimate.

Soon though, the kisses we share start to get frantic again as she snakes her hand between our bodies and rubs my clit with her index and middle finger, mimicking my earlier journey. I tilt my head back and exhale loudly and she attaches her soft lips to my neck and leaves hot kisses on the flesh there. She breathes out harshly against my skin as she continues to kiss down my linea alba before reaching my sex. She withdraws her fingers from me and replaces them with a hard thrust of her tongue deep inside me. She rubs my clit with the pad of her thumb while she licks hungrily at my opening. The heat of her mouth and the pressure of her thumb rubbing hard circles on my clit makes me reach out to pull her head closer, needing her to go deeper. She gets what I am wordlessly trying to communicate from her and resumes her earlier activities of fucking me hard with her first three fingers while teasing my clit with her tongue. I arch my back as I come against her mouth.

She crawls up my body and I ride out my orgasm while she kisses the base of my throat. I smile and take her into a deep kiss. The shiver I send up her spine makes me know she wants more. Gently, I roll us over so that I am on top of her. I kiss her hard; grinding my pelvis onto her clit in a way that I know drives her crazy. She whimpers in appreciation. There are certain things you learn about a person after you have been sleeping together for a while. For example, I know that Cuddy's favorite position is scissoring. She asked me to do it to her one night as I was kissing the space between her scapulae. Needing more from her tonight, I straddle her right leg with my legs on either side. Lisa understands what I want and grinds her hips on mine while she places her left leg across my right egging me on. "You want it like this?" I ask as my eyes meet hers.

"Yeah, I want it like that..._fuck!_ Allison, will you please move?" She pleads as she slams her head into the soft sheets of the bed and twists the fabric between her fingers.

I don't reply. Instead, I grind my clit against hers in a slow, deliberate circle. Cuddy lifts her head off the bed and slides her right hand up to cup my breast while her other hand leaves scratch marks on my thigh. I cry out a little louder as I pick up the pace and she moves against me as much as she can. Pushing harder I can feel another orgasm building in my core. My hips buck involuntarily and my orgasm explodes around me leaving me breathless and panting still straddling Cuddy's leg.

She continues to move against me as I collapse forward on my hands above her. I kiss her as she sits up slightly to meet my lips while she continues to grind herself against me. I breathe heavily as her orgasm hits her not long after mine and she throws her head back and arches into me harder. She goes limp beneath me and tries to calm her breathing. I lay down on top of her, my body still between her slick thighs and she smiles sweetly at me. We are both drenched in sweat as I slide down her body slightly to place a kiss above her navel before I rollover to lie beside her. Instead of just going to sleep on her side of the bed, Cuddy curls into me and places her head on my shoulder. "I love you." Lisa whispers into the darkness.

"I love you, too." I whisper back. I fall asleep with her pressed against me and I try and tell myself that she will stay.

Sure enough, at around three a.m. I feel the bed sink as Cuddy slips from the bed and into the bathroom. I keep my eyes closed but I know that she is slipping on her sweat pants and padding down the hall barefoot in my t-shirt. I fall back asleep but wake up about an hour later from the time on the bedside alarm clock. With a frustrated sigh, I push myself off the bed and slip on my panties and Lisa's shirt before tracing her footsteps to the living room. "Come back to bed." I say from the doorway of the living room where she now sits wit her laptop open and a binder on her lap.

"I can't, darling." She only calls me that when she is trying to get me to do what she wants. "I have to approve this budget report to go up in front of the board next week. I have to get this done."

I walk over and plop down next to her on the couch. I lean my head up against the back of the couch and pull my legs to my chest. I am only sitting there for about a minute when she looks up at me with frustration and says, "Can I help you?"

"Is it not okay if I sit with you?" I ask with a little more snark than I would have liked.

"Please go back to bed, Cameron." She says to her computer screen after about thirty seconds of breathy silence. The use of my surname stings. I hate it when she talks at me as though I'm a disobedient child and it stuns me for a second. As I quietly slip off the couch and walk back towards the bedroom without a word, I am teetering between a deep, shattering hurt and seething anger. I take out my frustration on the covers as I kick them angrily around my feet. I toss my head back against the pillow and decide I might as well try and sleep.

The alarm clock lets me know that I have only been asleep for half an hour and the sheets are still cold. I roll over onto my side and see the picture of the two of us on the bedside table. I reach out and touch the glass protecting the picture with the pads of my fingers. I remember taking it in late October. We both had had the rare Saturday off and drove up to northern New Jersey on the border of New York State to go apple picking. We ended up giving up on the apple picking pretty early but we did enjoy the small café that still had outdoor seating in Warwick. So we sat there and shared a salad while we went through the pictures and it was one of the more perfect days I've had. In the picture she and I are sitting at the table and I snapped a picture of us. Our cheeks are pressed together and slightly pink from the cold mountain air. We both have the biggest smiles on our faces because I had just made her laugh. I turn it over as I decide to get up out of bed.

I sit with my feet hovering just above the ground for a second and take in a deep breath before deciding to get up and gather my clothes. Once dressed, I walk down the hallway. I don't try and sneak out because I want her to hear me and ask me to stay. As I get to the door where my bag and my jacket were hastily discarded I see that she is still in the living room with her back turned from the front door…she has her iPod in. With one final look in her direction I end up slipping out the door and closing it behind me. As I get in my car and start the engine I hope that she looked up and is watching me leave out the window. But I know that she probably doesn't even know that I've left. I have to will myself not to cry. I know that there is a half a bottle of Jack in my apartment. That should be enough to get me to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Nope...not mine.**

**Author's Note: So I think this is the last chapter. I might add on a short one after this, but I think this is a good place to leave it for now. Please R&R and enjoy!**

My mouth tastes like Jack Daniel's as I hear my phone going off in the living room of my apartment. I fell asleep on my couch last night with a half-full glass of Jack forgotten on the coffee table. I rub my eye and reach for my phone that is on the other side of the end table. "Hello." I say into the receiver while I try to find my watch to check the time.

"Cameron, where are you?" Foreman asks at the same moment I realize that it is ten thirty. I was supposed to be at work two hours ago.

"_Shit!_" I say to no one in particular. "I'm on my way." With that I hang up my phone and run to the bathroom to take the quickest shower of my life. Even though it would be better to just get dressed, I don't need House asking me why I smell like whiskey on a Wednesday morning.

I finally end up running into the conference room at eleven fifteen. It's vacant. I let out a sigh because I know that it will now be my task to find them and get up to speed on what's been happening with our patient…that is once I find everyone. Another mission that I have made for myself is to avoid Cuddy. I don't think that I can look her in the eyes right now.

The first place I check is the lab. Foreman is in there alone and so I push open the door and he gives me a nod as I walk toward him. "What's going on with the patient?" I ask as I pick up the blue case file that he set down next to the microscope.

"Just waiting for the results on the aspiration stain." He answers without looking at me.

"Bone marrow aspiration?" I say looking again over the chart in my hands. "Is House thinking Myelofibrosis?" It would make sense, the shortness of breath, the high body temperature, and the enlargement of the liver and spleen.

"Yeah and look I'm not going to pretend like House isn't pissed that you were late this morning, but in saying that I am not getting involved." He says as he quickly makes eye contact with me and then turns back to the microscope.

"He was seriously upset? But you've been late and Chase has—"

"I'm not getting involved…why I said that. Test's positive." Foreman says as he leans back in his chair. "The marrow shows chromosomal abnormalities."

"We're going to have to start her on Hydroxyurea." I say plainly. "I'll go tell House."

With that I leave the lab and head back up to the conference room. I take the back stairwell so that I lessen the possibility of running into Cuddy on the main stairs. I swing open the door to House's office to find him playing with his ball on his chair. "Its Myelofibrosis. We're going to start her on Hydroxyurea and continue to monitor her spleen for a few days."

"Glad to hear it." He says with a toss of the ball above his head. "You're off the case." He finishes as though it is the most natural thing to finish off approval with.

"What?" I ask as my mind still tries to process what he just said.

"You're off the case." He repeats with no change in his tone.

"Why?" I stammer before I can realize the words are out of my mouth.

"You missed a differential. You were two hours late to work. And you're hung over and in no case to practice. You can go home now." He says with a sigh and a nod of his head.

"Is this supposed to be funny?" I ask and I hope he doesn't pick up on the confusion and anger that's flying around in my head. Neither of these emotions necessarily directed toward him.

"It wasn't supposed to be funny haha." He says with a straight face and then continues tossing his ball in the air.

I don't know what made me do it; I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea. But his nonchalance at dismissing me mixed with the frustration of my girlfriend deciding she wants nothing to with me drives me to it. So I reach out and swat hard at the red and gray tennis ball while its mid air. It flies into the glass wall with a thud and I let out a self-satisfied sigh before turning and leaving the room. I throw my lab coat onto the coat rack in the corner and grab my coat and bag in pretty much the same manner. As I storm through the lobby I can hear her heels from behind me. "Dr. Cameron." She says. I keep walking. "Dr. Cameron." She says again with a little more emphasis this time.

I stop but refuse to turn around. She can learn what its like to chase after me for a change. "Can I talk to you in my office, please?" She says with her business voice. I don't turn to look at her. I am afraid if I do the anger will come back. As angry as I am at her and House and this whole mess that my life has made of itself I don't want to say anything that will drive a bigger wedge between Lisa and I. I don't sit down in my usual spot as we enter her office and I think that she notices. She sits down on the couch and looks up at me expectantly as if she wanted me to come to her office to talk to her. I get a feeling I know what's coming.

"Why did you leave last night?" The one question I knew she was going to ask that I know I don't want to hear.

"Because if I was going to sleep alone, I might as well do it in my own bed." I answer back and cross my arms across my chest.

"Allison…" She begins but never develops. She would have nothing to say.

"Listen, I've just been dismissed for the day because I was late for work and missed a ddx. Can we not do this right now?" I don't mean to be snippy but the seething anger has reappeared and it's making it hard for me to look at her. I am torn between walking out her door and never looking back or crawling onto her lap and kissing her senseless. In the end I know I will choose neither. Its just nice to think that I have options sometimes when I know that most of my life I have let my decisions be dictated by other people's emotions.

"Don't be a child, Cameron." Again with the surname. "Not everything is about you." I don't understand what she means by saying that.

"I'm not doing this now." I say. I am about halfway to opening the door when I turn back around and walk towards the couch. When I am standing just in front of her I lean down and take her lips into a soft kiss. Without saying another word, I pick up my bag and I turn and walk out of the room. I hope she knows that I want her to walk after me. I want her to ask me not to go. I want her to follow me to my car and tell me that she is sorry about the way things turned out this past month. I want her to kiss me the way she did in August. I want her to not leave the bed after I make love to her. I wonder how much of that Jack Daniels is left in the bottle on the coffee table.

As it turns out, when I get home the first thing I do is check my e-mail, something I haven't done in a while. I send an e-mail to my brother and ask him what he is up to. I check my inbox every few minutes to see if there is a reply. I move to the bedroom so that I can't see the bottle anymore. When four rolls around, I go for a run. I sit on my couch and eat a hummus and vegetable wrap in my running clothes. I sit on the couch and take a shot. My phone rings around six. "Hello." I cough into the receiver as the Jack burns the back of my throat.

"Can you come over?" Cuddy asks quickly on the other end of the line. The connection crackles.

"You should come over here." _So I can ask you to leave or beg you to stay and you will have to think about it._ "I shouldn't really drive right now."

"Ummm, okay." She stammers. "I'll be there in twenty."

"Kay." I say and then close the phone. I wonder if she was going to say _I love you_ before she hung up.

Fifteen minutes later and there is a buzz from the intercom that lets me know she has arrived. Without saying anything I buzz her in and lock the deadbolt so that the door is slightly ajar. I hear the door swing open and Cuddy deadbolts it again behind her. When I don't hear footsteps toward the direction of the couch I turn my head to see that she is still standing there. She has hung her coat up on the hook but is still standing by the door. I see she hasn't brought her bag. I try not to speculate about what that means. "Do you want some tea?" I ask as I stand and try to head toward the kitchen. The Jack decides to pick this moment to go straight to my head and I must sway a little bit as I take another step because she is at my side faster than usual.

"Are you okay?" Cuddy asks with a concerned tone. She places her hands on my hips to try and steady me.

"Yep." I smile. "Did you want some tea?" I ask again as I try and twist from her grip and head towards my initial destination.

"Have you been drinking?" Lisa asks with a judgmental furrow in her brow.

"Why not? Its not like I had any work to do today." I know that was the wrong answer but I just…don't know.

I make us both tea and she sits on the couch and waits. I rejoin her on the other end of the couch and hand her her cup. "Thanks." She says and doesn't let her fingers linger on mine.

"Not a problem." I reply.

"What happened today?" She asks after a few minutes of silence filled only by the sounds of us sipping our tea.

"It's a long story." I say.

"Why were you late for work?" Cuddy pries again.

"When I say it's a long story, that isn't code for: I really want to talk about it." I turn and meet her eyes and see a glimmer of hurt and my heart sinks. "I'm sorry." I back peddle. "It's just been a terrible day. I don't mean to take it out on you." I try and meet her eyes again but she is staring at the blank TV. "Lisa?"

"I don't want people to know about us." She blurts out.

"What do you mean?" I ask tentatively.

"I realized the other day when House made it obvious that he knew about _us _that I could lose my job." She says apologetically. I don't know who is apologizing to. "I don't think I can do that."

"What are you saying?" I know what she is saying in all honesty. I just can't stop my head from wishing that this conversation won't end the way that I think it is going to.

"My job is my life, Allison." She justifies. "I don't know if I can give that up yet or if I will ever be able to."

"I'm not asking you to do that."

"But by loving me, you are. What would the board do if they found out I was sleeping with one of my employees who just happens to be a woman? What happens then? I get to watch my whole life's work go up in smoke because I like your soft skin?" She pauses. "I just don't think I can do that."

"Will you ever be able to?" I breathe. If I had any air in my lungs I would have said it more forcefully.

"I don't know." She answers. At least she was honest.

"Can you please leave?" I ask.

"Could I stay here?" She asks at the same time.

"Ok." I answer. I get up and toss my tea in the sink. The chamomile starts to irritate my stomach and I feel like I am going to vomit. "I need to take a shower."

I leave her in the living room as I head back to the bathroom. I turn on the hot water and strip my clothes off as fast as I can without looking in the mirror. When steam starts to rise over the top of the curtain, I step into the tub. I jump back from the scalding water and turn it down before stepping back under and letting it wash over my upturned face as I rub my neck with my hands. A cold breeze runs over my back and I turn under the water towards the temperature change. When I open my eyes, Lisa is standing in the shower. I open my arms and she steps under the water with me. I hug my arms around her slim rib cage and gasp for breath slightly as water rushes over my face still. "You love me, too, right?" I ask quietly.

"Yes." She turns to kiss me and I turn my head away. She looks stunned at my rejection and I turn under the water again and reach for the shampoo. As I wash, I feel her arms encircle me from behind. I bite my lip, will myself not to kiss her. When I finish I turn off the water and step out of the shower. I hand her my extra towel and we dry off in silence. I pull on a t-shirt and swish some mouth wash over my teeth before heading into the bedroom to crawl into bed. Cuddy does the same and follows me into my room. She waits a minute before getting into bed as well. I don't understand her. She just finished telling me that she chooses her job over me and yet she curls herself around my body and breathes against my neck as we lie silently. I fall asleep wrapped in her.

Like clockwork, she is out of bed two hours after I fall asleep. Her dropping her shoe while trying to get it on alerts me that she is leaving. I roll over onto my side and watch her dress. She notices me and looks at me with an exposed expression but continues on. As she is about to leave the room I say, "Don't expect me to be there when you decide you want this." And then she leaves. I roll back over onto my side and hug my legs to my chest. I don't know how long I cry before I fall asleep.


End file.
